A day out in Britain’s mightiest seaside town

If you’ve somehow made it to the outskirts of Bournemouth without realising that this is the beachiest of beach towns, your ignorance will last approximately as long as a Mr Whippy in direct sunlight.

Driving through the suburbs, we passed sand-coloured taxis, flaking seaside hotels and even, once we were a little bit closer to the shore, one of those fun-sized, tourist-bearing trains you sometimes find skirting British beaches – except this one was driving blithely down the road. It was as if Bournemouth beach, drunk on the sweat of sunbathers and not content with occupying seven miles of golden South Coast sand, had decided to send an advance raiding party inland.

We turned a corner and what…

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